I was in love. 2010 April - I would do anything to just see her for once. It to this day has been one of the most strongly felt sentiments in my life. I trust that she did believe me when I did write into her what I did. I trust she appreciated that as a human, I was righteous in doing what I did.
I am in love. 2012 March. She has been getting on my nerves lately though. Its a bit too difficult even reaching her. Its made me give up on saying those small things that I just loved doing. Non-responsiveness is the biggest turn off, it seems.
But then she reaches out in her own way. It moves me often. Some stupid one liners would often make me feel the warmest of emotions. What I wish she understood was that I am getting increasingly tired of the effort that it takes in just getting my word across.
Its easy to say that we are/were in love. Is it not just another craving like I had when I loved chocolates as a kid (as a matter of fact I still love them). Whats the difference between love and a strong friendship ? Not much if you ask me....except maybe that socially, good friends are supposed to profess "love" before they engage in the act of sex.
I crave sex. I love it..I know that. Am I supposed to do it only with her? What if she's not there ? What if she's too much of a wimp to do it ? What if she's wrecked sexually ? Am I supposed to take the healing forward till shes fine ?
I will do that but my desires will take their toll on me. Its not easy repressing this desire. I think I would be talking to her about it. In fact I'll tell her to read this.
I would like her company. I would like to pareshan karofy her like anything....for every small reason that I can bug her for. From her bag to her hair...to her toenails.....I would wake her up every morning with some controlled asabhya acts.....I would lift her off the dining table and carry her to the bed in my arms....often (unless off course I am tired)...and I would see those little shining stars in her eyes. I hope to, till I am.
I love her. But then its ridiculous. How can she actually be so beautiful as she seems. Trust me, she suddenly took this status ever since I felt things for her.
But I love her anyways.
